Vampire jokes can be absolutely funny. We always get the image of a vampire in a dark cape transforming at will into a bat and flying into the night. The best vampire jokes turn these characteristics of the night creatures and make them into humorous traits.
We have plenty of funny vampire jokes and puns that will get you laughing with joy. These hilarious vampire jokes are kid-friendly and great fun for sharing with your family and friends.
Let’s get laughing!
Best Vampire Jokes
1. Why are vampires bad artists?
Because they always want to draw blood.
2.Heard about the vampire who was locked up in an asylum?
He went batty.
3. What is vampires’ favorite fruit?
Neck-tarines.
4. What did the child vampire say before going to bed?
“Turn on the dark mummy, I’m scared of the light.”
5. What do you get when you combine a vampire and a dog?
A blood hound!
6. What’s a vampire’s least favorite song?
“Another One Bites The Dust.”
7. How does Dracula get his torch to turn on?
With bat-teries.
8. Why did the vampire go to see the doctor?
Because he was coffin too much.
9. Where does Dracula go to buy his writing utensils?
Pencil-veinia.
10. What should you never yell at a vampire while arguing?
“Bite me!”
11. What do vampires drink at happy hour?
B-Positive.
12. Why are the ghost and mummy good friends with Dracula?
Because they could always count on him.
13. How does a vampire pay for things?
With cryptocurrency.
14. What did the vampire doctor say to his patient?
You need more iron.
15. Where do vampires usually take a bath?
In bat tubs.
16. Why did the vampire divorce his wife after she took a blood test?
She wasn’t his type.
17. How does a vampire start a letter?
Tomb it may concern.
18. What did the vampire say after drinking blood from a bodybuilder?
“Whew, that’s strong!”
19. Why did the local vampire club hold a recruitment drive?
Because they were on the lookout for new blood.
20. Why don’t vampires like mosquitos?
Too much competition.
21. What is vampires’ least favorite song?
“You are my sunshine.”
22. Why can you never win in a boxing match with Dracula?
Nobody can ever beat the Count.
23. Why don’t mosquitoes bite vampires?
As a professional courtesy.
24. Did you hear about the vampire sprint race?
It finished neck and neck.
25. What is worse than a hungry vampire?
A thirsty vampire.
26. What kind of letters do vampires get?
Fang mail!
27. What is a vampire’s favorite fruit?
Blood oranges.
28. How do vampires get into houses?
Through the bat flap!
29. What is a vampire’s favorite ice cream flavor?
Vein-illa.
30. Where did the vampire get all his jokes from?
A crypt writer!
31. Why did Dracula take up math as a subject in college?
Because he loves to Count.
32. Why was the man afraid of the vampire dog?
It was all bite and no bark!
33. Why does Dracula always read the newspaper?
Because someone told him it had good circulation.
Funny Vampire Jokes
We hope that you are enjoying these funny vampire jokes and puns. Need more? We have plenty to get your laughing into the night.
34. What is a redneck vampire’s favorite drink?
Blood Light.
35. How do you kill a vampire at an Italian restaurant?
Use garlic bread.
36. What would you get when you cross a vampire with sheep?
Drac-Ewe-La.
37.What do you get if you cross a vampire with a computer?
Love at first byte.
38. Where do vampires not look that scary?
On reflection.
39. Why do vampires hate going to court?
Because of the cross-examinations.
40. What fast food do vampires crave the most?
Joggers.
41. When do ideas kill vampires?
When they dawn upon them.
42.What would you get when you cross a vampire with a snowman?
Frostbite.
43.What is a vampire’s favourite type of cheese?
Munster.
44. Why doesn’t Dracula attack chickens?
Because chickens have fowl blood.
45. Why don’t vampires use autocorrect?
Because they love Type Os.
46. Did you hear about the vampire who was rejected by the person he had a crush on?
He had loved in vein.
47. Why are vampire clans so loyal?
Because blood is thicker than water.
48. What is the name of Dracula’s vegan brother?
Count rucola.
49. What is a vampire’s favorite sport?
Casketball.
50. Who is a vampire’s favorite superhero?
Batman.
51. Did you hear about the man who sucked the blood of a vampire?
It was ironic.
52. What do you call a vampire who went to the beach?
Ash.
53. What’s a vampires favourite lipstick shade?
Blood red!
54. How do you defeat a vampire using eggs?
Serve ‘em sunny side up.
55. Did you hear about the vampire who thought he was a violinist?
His Bach was worse than his bite.
56. Did you hear about the vampire who only had one fang?
He had to grin and bear it.
57. What is a vampire’s favorite brand of beer?
Bloodweiser.
58. What’s a vampire’s favorite type of soup?
Scream of tomato.
59. What’s a vampires worst fear?
Tooth decay!
60. What is a vampire s favorite drink to order when they go to a bar?
Bloody Mary.
61. What’s a vampire’s favorite Shakespeare play?
A Midsummer Bite’s Dream.
62. Why did the vampire go to the dentist?
He had a fang-ache.
63. How do vampires travel from coast to coast?
In a blood vessel.
64.. Who has the most dangerous job in Transylvania?
The dentist serving all the vampires.
65. How does a female vampire flirt?
She bats her eyes!
66. Why do vampires are bad product managers?
Because they hate meeting with the stakeholders.
67. How can you tell that a vampire wants to play baseball?
He will turn into a bat.
68. How many vampires will it take to change a light bulb?
None. They don’t need the light.
69. Where do vampires deposit their money?
At the blood bank.
Even More Vampire Jokes and Puns
Dracula is one of the world’s most famous vampires. Therefore, it is no wonder that he is often the subject of vampire jokes and puns. You can have plenty of fun with jokes about vampires! Here are more.
70. Why did Dracula turn over a new leaf?
He wanted to be re-vamped.
71. Why is a vampire a good party guest?
Because he eats necks to nothing!
72. Why did Superman fail to defeat Dracula in the evening?
Because he could not go to the krypt tonight.
73. Where do vampires eat their lunch?
At the casketeria.
74. What do you get when you cross a vampire with a duck?
Count Quackula.
75. How are vampires like false teeth?
They both come out at night.
76. What is a vampire’s favorite building in New York City?
The Vampire State Building.
77. Why are vampires so naive?
Because they are born suckers.
78. What’s the referee in a Transylvanian baseball game called?
A Vumpire!
79. What was the favorite subject of Dracula in school?
Ac-count-ing.
80. What’s a vampire’s favorite holiday?
Fangs-giving.
81. Did you hear about the vampire who became a poet?
He went from bat to verse.
82. What does the doctor vampire say when he calls up a patient?
“Necks please!”
83. What would you call a vampire on sale?
A dis-Count Dracula.
84. What’s a vampire’s favorite sport?
Batminton.
85. What is a vampire’s favorite coffee order?
Decoffinated.
86. Why do vampires need mouthwash?
To combat bat breath.
87. How does a hacker vampire kill its victims?
With a kill-o-byte.
88. Why was the vampire not invited to parties?
Because he sucks the life out of them.
89. What do you call a short vampire?
A pain in the knee!
90. What do you call a blind vampire?
Count see.
91. What type of vampires are always grumpy?
The ones with B negative blood type.
92. Why are vampires so impulsive?
They don’t ever reflect on things.
93. Why do vampires refuse to go to casino?
Because of their inability to handle the stakes.
94 Why did the man break up with his vampire girlfriend?
Because she sucked the life out of him.
95. What did the vampire say her new apprentice?
“It’s nice to have some fresh blood around here.”
96. What do you get when you cross a school teacher and a vampire?
Lots of blood tests.
97. Why did the vampire go to the blood bank?
He needed to make a withdrawal!
98. What is a vampire’s favorite dessert?
You scream and I scream.
99. What does a vampire avoid ordering at any restaurant?
A steak.
100. Why did a vampire join the circus?
To become an acrobat.
101. What do you call a vampire who makes pancakes?
Count Spatula.
102. Why do vampires stay away from Taylor Swift?
Because she has bad blood.
103. Why did the vampire decide to give up his hope of being an actor?
Because he could not find a role to sink his teeth in.
104. What did the polite vampire say?
Fang you very much!
Even More Funny Jokes
Did you enjoy these jokes?If you are looking for even more funny animal jokes, we think these bear jokes, turtle jokes and frog jokes will hit the spot – the funny spot that is.
Or if food jokes are more your thing, we also have hilarious pizza jokes and cheesy cheese jokes too.
We also have fun and challenging riddles for kids that we think you will enjoy! Have a great time laughing away with all these jokes!
