Monday blues got you down? It’s time to chase the feelings of dread away with this collection of Monday jokes. Mondays may not be funny but jokes about Mondays sure are.
Ready for a laugh to brighten up the start of the week? Here are some Monday jokes that will give you the jumpstart that you need to begin your week with a hearty laugh.
Best & Funniest Monday Jokes to Make You Laugh
Mondays getting you down? Perk up with these funny Monday jokes – better than a cup of strong coffee! Be sure to share them around so that everyone get to enjoy a laugh or two on a Monday morning!
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1. Why does Sunday always beat Monday in arm wrestling?
Because Monday is a weakday.
2. What’s the most depressing sound on Monday?
Alarm clocks.
3. What is large on Sunday and Saturday, small on Tuesday, Wednesday and Thursday, and disappears on Monday?
The letter S.
4. What did the cheese say to each other on Monday mornings?
Have a Gouda week.
5. How do hens feel on Mondays?
Eggshausted.
6. Why did the corrupt calendar go to prison?
Monday laundering.
7. Why did the skeleton do such a poor job in school on Mondays?
Because his heart wasn’t in it.
8. Why did the magicians in class get the best mark on their test on Monday?
They got all of the trick questions right.
9. What’s the saddest part of the week?
Monday mourning
10. What’s Monday’s favourite genre of music?
The blues.
11. Why did the robot have some trouble focusing at school on Monday?
He was a little rusty.
12. What is the best way to describe Monday?
Monday-ne.
13. What happened to the witches who broke the school rules on Monday?
They got ex-spelled.
14. What did the cashew say on Monday?
Mondays drive me nuts.
15. How do you make time go fast on Monday?
Throw a clock.
16. Why did the cat stay home from school on Monday?
Because he wasn’t feline well.
17. Why was the M&M excited to get to school on Monday?
He wanted to be a Smartie.
18. Why was the pirate excited for school on Monday?
He had arrrrt class.
19. Why was the broom late for school on Monday?
He over-swept.
More Monday Jokes for Plenty of Laughter
Need more funny Monday jokes to liven up the day? We’ve got plenty of Monday jokes and puns that will certainly get you all happy and excited for the start of the week!
20. Why did the zombie have to stay at home from school on Monday?
He was feeling rotten.
21. Why does Santa hand out candy canes on Mondays?
For encourage-mint.
22. Why couldn’t the ghost leave school on Monday?
He was the school spirit.
23. Why was the acid so rude on Monday?
Because he was a-mean-o-acid
24. Why was the root vegetable in a good mood on Monday?
Because it was an up-beet.
25. What do you call Mondays without any Zoom meetings?
Meetless Mondays.
26. What does Sonic need a lot of on Mondays?
Hedge-hugs.
27. Did you hear about the man who couldn’t start work on a Monday without a coffee?
He had a latte on his mind.
28. What do kids do on Mondays during vacation?
The same thing they do every other day
29. What’s the best advice for getting through the start of the work week?
Just take it Mon-day at a time.
30. What did the Cyclops say every Monday morning?
Eye don’t want to get up.
31. What subject did the snake learn in school on Monday?
Hiss-tory.
32. What’s the best time to get a discount on robotic parts?
Cyborg Monday.
33. If a man arrived in a town with his horse on a Saturday and stayed there for one night, how is it possible that he arrived back home on Monday?
The horse’s name was Monday.
34. On what day do ghosts do their howling?
Moan-day.
35. Which day of the week are demons most tired?
De-Monday.
Knock knock and one-liner jokes about Monday
Need Monday to pass a little quicker? Here are some family-friendly Monday jokes to keep you happy and in an upbeat mood throughout the day.
36. Knock, knock.
Who’s there?
Monday.
Go Away!
37. Knock Knock
Who’s there?
Toothy.
Toothy who?
Toothy the day after Monday.
38. Knock Knock
Who’s there?
Heymon.
Heymon who?
Heymonday is here already!
39. Knock Knock
Who’s there?
Dewey
Dewey who?
Dewey have to go to work on Monday?
40. Knock Knock
Who’s there?
Needle
Needle who?
Needle a little help to get through Monday.
41. Knock Knock
Who’s there?
Anita
Anita who?
Anita an extra large cup of coffee because it is Monday!
42. Monday is an awful way to spend 1/7th of your life.
43. Somebody walks into an ice cream parlour and asks “what flavours do you have?” The store assistant says “over there on the signs on the wall, you’ll see them all” The client goes “Um, well I’ll have a cone with two scoops of Mondays Closed.
44. If every day is a gift, I want to know where I can return Mondays.
45. On a Monday morning, a mother went in to wake up her son.
“Wake up son. It’s time to get to school!”
“But mom, I don’t want to go.”
“Give me two reasons why.”
“Well, the kids hate me, and the teachers hate me too!”
“That’s no reason. Come now get ready.”
“Give me two reasons why I should go?”
“Well for one you are 40 years old. And for another, you’re the teacher!”.
46. Shoutout to my teachers from high school who said I would work at McDonalds
I have my first shift on Monday.
47. Look on the bright side, at least Mondays only happen once a week.
48. The only thing worse than Friday the 13th is Monday the 13th. It’s a much spookier day.
49. Monday was a movie, it would be very long and boring. No one would ever want to watch it.
50. My family found out that my brother and I stopped fighting ever since we started going out to a fancy restaurant twice a week. My brother goes out Mondays and I go out on Fridays.
51. A man asks his wife on a Friday evening…
Husband: Shall we have a nice weekend?
Wife: Sure, why not?
Husband: Ok then, see you on Monday!
More of the Best Monday Jokes
52. Why did the woman go to sleep in her herb garden on Sunday night?
So she would wake up on thyme on Monday.
53. Why were Saturday and Sunday wary of Monday?
Because Monday was the week link.
54. What do you call a Monday that actually goes smoothly?
Suspicious.
55. What does the executioner say on Monday mornings?
It is time to beheaded to work.
56. Why didn’t the skeleton show up to work on Monday?
Because he didn’t have the guts.
57. What do you called a person who says “I love Mondays”?
Retired.
58. What do you called a person who says “I love Mondays”?
On vacation.
59. What do you called a person who says “I love Mondays”?
Crazy.
60. What is the best part about Mondays?
The end.
61. What is the shortest horror story you can tell?
Monday.
62. When do robots like to shop for the best deals?
Cyborg Monday.
63. Did you know that Monday isn’t the day that you should be most sad about?
But don’t forget, only 48 hours ago, it was a sadder day.
64. What do you call a person who is happy on Mondays?
Unemployed.
65. Why are Mondays like Math books?
Because they have a lot of problems.
66. What did the teacher say to her aardvark student when he walked into class on Monday morning?
Why the long face?
67. What do baristas say on Monday mornings?
It’s time to rise and grind!
68. When does Monday come before Sunday?
In the dictionary.
69. What is an astronaut’s favourite day of the week?
Moon-day.
70. What’s a cow’s favorite day of the week?
Moo-day.
71. Why did Monday decide to go to the gym?
Because it was tired of being a weak day.
72. Why doesn’t Monday ever get speeding tickets?
Because it always goes by so slowly.
Did you enjoy these Monday jokes? Get the rest of the week going with these Tuesday jokes.
