Do you like horses? If you’re looking for a giggle as you giddy up, these hay-tastic horse jokes are sure to lift smiles off any long face every time.
Whether you are an equestrian looking for equestrian joke, a cowboy that wants to round up some humour, or simply want something to lift your spirit and get you back into the saddle, these funny horse jokes will make your hay… oops, sorry… your day! Have fun having a laugh!
50+ Horse Jokes To Lift A Long Face
1. What makes a horse sneeze?
2. What is a horse’s favourite sport?
3. Which side of a horse has more hair?
4. What street do horses like to live on?
5. Why did the horse eat with its mouth open?
Because it had bad stable manners.
6. Why do most horses look so fit?
Because they’re on a stable diet.
7. What did the horse say the first time they saw a zebra?
“That horse has been to prison.”
8. What did the horse say when it fell?
“I’ve fallen and I can’t giddyup!”
9. Where do horses go when they’re sick?
10. What did the horse ask his teacher?
11. What did the horse say after she fell over?
Help! I’ve fallen, and I can’t giddy-up!
12. Where does a person end and a horse start?
At the centaur.
13. What is the best type of story to tell a runaway horse?
A tale of WHOA!
14. What kind of bread do horses like to eat?
15. Why couldn’t the pony sing?
Because he was a little hoarse.
16. What kind of wine does a horse drink?
17. When does a horse talk?
Whinny feels like it.
18. What do you call a horse that likes to stay up late?
A night mare.
19. What do you call a one eyed horse?
20. What does it mean when you find a horseshoe on the ground?
Some poor horse is walking around in socks.
21. What are a horse’s favourite sports?
Stable tennis and barn ball!
22. Why do cowboys like to ride horses?
Because they’re too heavy to carry.
23. Why does a pregnant horse run faster?
It has two horse power.
24. What do you call a horse that lives next door to you?
25. Why couldn’t the horse dance?
Because he had two left feet.
26. What kind of horse travels all around the world?
A globe trotter.
27. What do you give a sick horse?
A Cough stirrup.
28. How do you make a small fortune on horse racing?
Start with a large fortune.
29. What does a triangular prism and a three-headed horse have in common?
They both have three long faces.
30. What did the mother horse say to her foal?
It’s pasture bed time.
31. Why was the horse really proud of his school test results?
Because he got an Hay-plus
32. Why did the horse cross the road?
Because somebody shouted hay.
33. What’s the hardest thing about learning to horseback ride?
34. What’s the difference between a horse and the weather?
One reigns up and one rains down.
35. What do you call a racehorse that is guaranteed to win?
36. What kind of food do race horses like to eat?
37.Did you hear about the horse that doubted everything?
He was a neighsayer.
Funny Jokes About Horses To Tell Horse Lovers
Horses are great. They make great companions, they are strong and they are also the inspiration for some pretty great jokes. Here are some of the best horse jokes around.
38. I work on a farm taking care of horses.
It’s a stable job.
39. A woman rode her horse all the way up a hill on Friday. The next day she rode back on Friday, too. How is this possible? The horse is called Friday.
40. A horse walks into a bar and orders a beer. The bartender looks confused but pours him a cold one. “That’ll be $25.” The horse opens his wallet, pays and start drinking. The bartender is still in awe and says: “You see, we don’t really have many horses coming in here.” To which the horse replies: “With prices like these, I’m not surprised.”
41. I named my horse Mayo.
42. You’re riding a horse full speed, there’s a giraffe right beside you, and a lion nipping at your heels. What do you do?
Get off the carousel and sober up.
43. I saw a miniature horse in a field yesterday, so I walked up to pet it.
After a few steps, I realised that it was a regular sized horse, just farther away.
44. A horse walks into a bar. The bartender says, “Hey.”
The horse says, “Buddy—you read my mind!”
45. A pony goes to the doctor and tells him, “Doc, I think I’m dying. I have this terrible sore throat.” The doctor assures him, “It’s okay—you’re just a little horse.”
46. A horse sits down in a movie theatre and the woman next to him asks, “Excuse me… are you a horse?”
“Why yes, I am,” replies the horse.
“What are you doing at this movie?”
The horse says, “I really liked the book.”
47. A Desperado rides into town and downs a few drinks at the saloon. When he steps outside again, he finds his horse has been stolen. The Desperado swears, steps back into the bar, and fires a round into the piano. The room goes dead silent. “I’m gonna have one more beer,” the Desperado bellows to the terrified crowd, “and if my horse ain’t back where I left him when I’m done, I’ll do here what I had to do in back home.”
The locals murmur uneasily as the Desperado sips his drink. Lucky for them all, when he steps outside again his horse has been returned. As the Desperado saddles up, a local can’t help but ask, “Sir, what exactly was it you had to do back home?”
The Desperado narrows his eyes and hisses at the man, “I had to walk home.”
48. A guy is walking through the country when he spots a sign that reads, “Talking Horse for Sale.” Intrigued, he walks up to the stable to check it out.
“So what have you done with your life?” he asks the horse.
“I’ve led a full life,” the horse answers miraculously. “I was born on an island where I herded for an entire village. Years later, I joined the mounted police force in New York and helped keep the city clean. And now, I spend my days giving free rides to underprivileged kids here in the country.”
The guy is flabbergasted. He asks the horse’s owner, “Why on earth would you want to get rid of such an incredible animal?”
The owner says, “Because he’s a liar! He never did any of that!”
49. A talking horse walks into a bar and approaches the manager. “Excuse me, good sir,” the horse says, “are you hiring?”
The manager looks the horse up and down and says, “Sorry, pal. Why don’t you try the circus?”
The horse nickers. “Why would the circus need a bartender?”
50. A poor cowboy needs a horse. He buys the only horse he could afford, one that has its commands messed up. “He’ll go when you say ‘whoa!’ and stop when you say ‘giddy-up!'” instructs the seller. The cowboy sets off riding the horse, feeling silly for saying ‘whoa’. As he rides further, he sees an upcoming cliff. He commands the horse to stop by saying ‘whoa’ but the horse only picks up speed. Panicking, the cowboy scream “WHOA!” but the horse only goes into a full gallop. Then the cowboy remembers and tries saying “giddy up!” The horse comes to a complete stop mere inches from the edge of the cliff. The cowboy brushes the sweat from his forehead and says “Whoa! That was close.”
51. A horse walks into a bar. The bartender asks him “Why the long face?” The horse replied: “Have you ever tried hitting your head on a bar? It hurts!”