Merry Christmas! As we enter one of the jolliest holidays of the year surrounded by laughs and presents, add on to the festive spirit and holiday cheer with these Christmas jokes that everyone is sure to love.
Funny Christmas Jokes To Keep You Jolly
1. Who is a Christmas tree’s favourite singer?
2. Why did the scarecrow get a big Christmas bonus?
Because he was outstanding in his field.
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3. What do you call a Yeti with a six-pack?
The Abdominal Snowman
4. What did one snowman say to the other?
“Is it just me, or do you smell carrots?”
5. How does the snow globe feel this year?
A little shaken.
6. What did the bald man say when he got a comb for Christmas?
“I’ll never part with it!”
7. How much did Santa pay for his sleigh?
Nothing—it was on the house
8. What did the naughty soccer announcer get from Santa Claus?
9. Why does Santa Claus go down the chimney on Christmas Eve?
Because it soots him.
10. Where do Santa and his elves go to vote?
The North Poll
11. Did you hear about the man who stole an Advent Calendar?
He got 25 days.
12. What did the stamp say to the Christmas card?
Stick with me and we’ll go places
13. What is the best possible holiday present?
A broken drum—you just can’t beat it
14. What do you call a kid who doesn’t believe in Santa?
A rebel without a Claus
15. What do snowmen wear on their heads?
16. What is a vegan’s favourite Christmas carol?
Soy to the World
17. What do you call a blind reindeer?
I have no eye deer.
18. What do you call a bunch of chess masters bragging about their games in a hotel lobby?
Chess nuts boasting in an open foyer.
19. What is Santa Claus’ laundry detergent of choice?
20. What do you call a shark that delivers toys at Christmas?
21. What do Santa’s little helpers learn at school?
22. What do you get if you eat Christmas decorations?
23. What do you get when you mix a Christmas tree and an iPad?
24. What goes “Oh Oh Oh”?
Santa walking backward.
25. Where do snowmen keep their money?
In a snowbank.
26. What’s Santa Claus’s favourite type of potato chip?
27. Elves use what kind of money?
28. Why didn’t Rudolph get a good report card?
Because he went down in History
29. What do you call Kris Kringle when he goes on his wife’s health insurance?
A dependent Claus.
30. Why did Frosty ask for a divorce?
His wife was a total flake.
31. Why was the snowman looking through the carrots?
He was picking his nose
32. What’s Santa Claus’s favourite track & field event?
33. How does Christmas Day end?
With the letter Y
34. Who tells the best Christmas jokes?
Reindeer. They sleigh every time.
35. What do snowmen like to do on the weekend?
36. When Santa is on the beach what do the elves call him?
37. Who is never hungry at Christmas?
The turkey—he’s always stuffed.
38. What is Santa’s favourite kind of candy?
39. What is Santa’s dog’s name?
40. What was Santa’s favourite subject in school?
41. What do you call Santa’s little helpers?
42. What is a Christmas tree’s favourite candy?
43. Why do reindeer like Beyoncé so much?
44. What do elves do in school?
45. How do the elves clean Santa’s sleigh on the day after Christmas?
They use Santa-tizer.
46. What do snowmen take when the sun gets too hot?
A chill pill.
47. How did Scrooge win the football game?
The ghost of Christmas passed.
48. What do you call an obnoxious reindeer?
49. Why does Santa have three gardens?
So he can “ho ho ho”
50. What’s every elf’s favourite type of music?
51. Why is it getting harder to buy Advent calendars?
Their days are numbered.
52. What did the gingerbread man put on his bed?
A cookie sheet
53. What kind of photos do elves take?
54. Why did the Christmas tree go to the dentist?
It needed a root canal
55. How do Christmas trees get ready for a night out?
They spruce up
56. How does a sheep say Merry Christmas?
57. What do you call a broke Santa Claus?
58. What do snowmen eat for breakfast?
59. What do you call Santa Claus with unfolded clothes?
60. What’s the difference between Santa’s reindeer and a knight?
One slays the dragon, and the other’s draggin’ the sleigh.
61. What do you call a blind reindeer?
62. What does Santa suffer from if he gets stuck in a chimney?
63. What would you call an elf who just has won the lottery?
64. What’s every parent’s favourite Christmas Carol?
65. Where would a reindeer go to find her lost tail?
66. What do you call a search engine that sings Christmas songs?
67. Who is Santa’s favourite singer?
68. Why don’t you ever see Santa in the hospital?
Because he has private elf care
69. Why did no one bid for Rudolph and Blitzen on eBay?
Because they were two deer
70. What do you call Santa when he takes a break?
71. What do you call a broke Santa?
72. What do you call a scary looking reindeer?
73. How do snowmen get around?
They ride an icicle
74. What do you call Santa’s little helpers?
75. How do you know when Santa’s around?
You can always sense his presents.
76. What do angry mice send to each other at Christmas?
77. What do you call a Christmas rom-com about bread?
78. What did Santa say to the smoker?
Please don’t smoke, it’s bad for my elf
79. What does the Queen call her Christmas Broadcast?
The One Show
80. What does Santa do when his elves misbehave?
He gives them the sack
81. What’s the difference between the Christmas alphabet and the ordinary alphabet?
The Christmas alphabet has No-el.
82. What kind of motorcycle does Santa like to ride?
A Holly Davidson
83. What happened when the snowgirl broke up with the snowboy?
She gave him the cold shoulder.
84. What does Santa do with out of shape elves?
Sends them to an elf Farm.
85. How is Christmas exactly like your job?
You do all the work and some fat guy in a suit gets all the credit.
86. Who delivers Christmas presents to elephants?
87. What’s the Grinch’s least favourite band?
88. What do you say to Santa when he’s taking attendance at school?
89. What did the beaver say to the Christmas Tree?
Nice gnawing you!
90. What do reindeers say before they tell you a joke?
This one’s gonna sleigh you!
91. In what year does New Year’s Day come before Christmas?
92. Who hides in the bakery at Christmas?
A mince spy!
93. What do you get when Santa becomes a detective?
94. Where does Santa keep all his money?
At the local snowbank.
95. Why was the little boy so cold on Christmas morning?
Because it was Decembrrrrr!
96. What do grapes sing at Christmas? ‘Tis the season to be jelly.
97. What happened to the thief who stole a Christmas calendar?
He got 12 months.
98. Why don’t crabs celebrate Christmas?
Because they’re shell-fish.
99. What falls at the North Pole and never gets hurt?
100. What is an elf’s favourite sport?
101. What do ﬁsh sing during the holidays?
102. What is a bird’s favourite Christmas story?
The Finch Who Stole Christmas.
103. What should you give your parents at Christmas?
A list of what you want.
104. How does Rudolph know when Christmas is coming?
He refers to his calen-deer.
105. How does a snowman lose weight?
He waits for the weather to get warmer!
106. What does the Grinch do with a baseball bat?
Hits a gnome and runs.
107. What does a grumpy sheep say when his friends told him Merry Christmas?
108. What did Santa do when he went speed dating?
He pulled a cracker!
109. What did one snowman say another snowman?
110. Why does Santa work at the North Pole?
Because the penguins kicked him out of the South Pole!
111. Why wouldn’t the Christmas tree stand up?
It had no legs.
112. How did the ornament get addicted to Christmas?
He was hooked on trees his whole life.
113. What does Jack Frost like best about school?
Snow and tell.
114. What do you get if you cross Santa with a duck?
A Christmas Quacker!
115. What nationality is Santa Claus?
116. What kind of ball doesn’t bounce?
117. How does Santa keep his bathroom tiles immaculate?
He uses Comet.
118. How do chickens dance at a Christmas party?
Chick to chick.
119. Why does Scrooge love reindeer so much?
Because every single buck is dear to him!
120. Why do mummies like Christmas so much?
They’re into all the wrapping.
121. Why did the Christmas tree go to the barber?
It needed to be trimmed!
122. What do you get when you cross a snowman with a vampire?
123. What do you call an elf wearing ear muffs?
Anything you want. He can’t hear you!
124. What is the best evidence that Microsoft has a monopoly?
Santa Claus had to switch from Chimneys to Windows.
125. What is Santa’s favourite pizza?
One that’s deep-pan, crisp and even
126. What goes “Oh, Oh, Oh”?
Santa walking backwards
127. What did Adam say the day before Christmas?
“It’s Christmas, Eve!”
128. What would you get if you crossed Christmas with St. Patrick’s Day?
129. What’s the most popular Christmas carol in the desert?
Oh caaamel ye faithful.
130. Why was Santa’s little helper sad?
Because he had very low elf esteem.
131. What could you call an elf who has just won the lottery?
132. What did Frosty’s girlfriend give him when she was mad at him?
The cold shoulder.
133. Why did Santa Claus get a parking ticket on Christmas Eve?
He left his sleigh in a snow parking zone.
134. What do the elves call it when Father Christmas claps his hands at the end of a play?
135. What do donkeys send out near Christmas?
136. What’s as big as Santa but weighs nothing?
137. Why did the Grinch go to the liquor store?
He was searching for some holiday spirit.
138. How will Christmas dinner be different after Brexit?
139. What did the snowman say to the aggressive carrot?
“Get out of my face.”
140. How do you scare a snowman?
Grab a hairdryer!
141. Why did Santa send his daughter to college?
To keep her off the North Pole.
142. Did you know that Santa’s not allowed to go down chimneys this year?
It was declared unsafe by the Elf and Safety Commission.
143. Why are Comet, Cupid, and Donner, and always wet?
Because they are rain deer.
144. Why does Santa have elves in his workshop?
Because the Seven Dwarfs were busy!
145. What do you call an old snowman?
146. Why did Mrs. Claus insist Santa take an umbrella?
“Because of the rain, dear.”
147. Why are Christmas trees so bad at sewing?
They’re always dropping their needles.
148. What Do You Call People Who Are Afraid Of Santa Claus?
Best Christmas Jokes To Tell Your Family And Friends
Since Christmas is the time of giving, give the people that you will be meeting this festive season the gift of joy with some great Christmas jokes that are meant to make anyone belly laugh with joy.
149. I can’t get to the chocolates in my advent calendar. Foiled again.
150. My friend just won the Tallest Christmas Tree competition.
I thought to myself, “How can you top that?”
151. I have this incredible ability to predict what’s inside a wrapped present.
It’s a gift.
152. The only Christmas present that I got this year was a deck of sticky playing cards.
I find that very hard to deal with.
153. I got a universal remote control for Christmas.
This changes everything.
154. A gingerbread man went to the doctor complaining of a sore knee.
“A sore knee?” the doctor said. “Have you tried icing it?”
155. Christmas: The time when everyone gets Santamental.
156. I asked my wife what she wanted for Christmas. She told me, “Nothing would make her happier than a diamond necklace.” So I bought her nothing.
157. Are you Christmas? ‘Cause I wanna merry you!
158. Santa and his wife wanted to split up, but there aren’t any divorce lawyers in the North Pole.
So, they got a semicolon instead; They’re great for separating Independent Clauses.
159. To avoid taking down my Christmas lights, I’m turning my house into an Italian restaurant.
160. A book never written: How to Decorate a Tree, by Orna Ment.