Getting a gift for dad can sometimes be difficult and if Father’s Day is around the corner, you might want to ensure you get the best present yet for dad. The gift of laughter is always a great gift and here are some of the Father’s Day jokes that dads are sure to laugh (love).
Father’s Day Jokes To Tell Dad
1. What word starts with an “e,” ends with an “e,” and has only one letter in it?
“Envelope.”
2. What do you call a beehive without an exit?
Un-bee-leave-able.
GIVEAWAY: Stand to Win Prizes including a Marky Polo Travels Book Set and Tickets to Nestopia & HydroDash
MARCH HOLIDAYS: The Best Activities and Ideas for Kids and Families in Singapore
3. Where do criminal rainbows go?
Prism.
4. Which days are the strongest?
Saturday and Sunday. The rest are weakdays!
5. What’s the difference between a well-dressed man on a unicycle and a poorly-dressed man on a bicycle?
Attire!
6. What do little monsters call their parents?
Mummy and Dead-y!
7. What do you call a boomerang that doesn’t come back?
A stick.
8. How many tickles does it take to make an octopus laugh?
Ten tickles
9. What did the cheese say to itself in the mirror?
Halloumi
10. Why did the baby biscuit cry?
Because her dad was a-wafer so long!
11. What do you call cheese that isn’t yours?
Nacho cheese!
12. What did the daddy broom say to the baby broom at bedtime?
It’s time to go to sweep!
13. What did one ocean say to the shore?
Nothing. It just waved.
14. What kind of music does dad listen to when he goes fishing?
Something catchy
15. What lies at the bottom of the ocean and twitches
A nervous wreck
16. What do you call mug shots that prisoners take on their own?
Cell-fies
17. What did the pirate say on his 80th birthday?
Aye Matey!
18. How do you take your coffee?
Seriously, very seriously.
19. Why did dad wear two pairs of trousers to play golf?
In case he got a hole in one!
20. What do you get when you cross Father’s Day and Cake day?
Extra Karma… I hope.
21. How did dad stay cool at the football match?
He sat next to all the fans!
22. Why can’t you play football with pigs?
They hog the ball
23. Why are fish so clever?
Because they live in schools!
24. Why did dad want to play golf on Father’s Day?
Because it’s tee-riffic!
25. How do you make a sausage roll?
Push it down a hill
26. What did the daddy buffalo say to his son as he was leaving the house?
Bison!
27. What do footballers like to drink?
Penal-tea
28. What’s the best thing to put in a sandwich?
Your teeth!
29. Why did the banana go to the doctor?
It wasn’t peeling well
30. What’s the hardest part about skydiving?
The ground!
31. Do you want to hear a joke about pizza?
Never mind, it’s too cheesy
32. What is an insect’s favourite sport?
Cricket
33. How do you make milk shake?
Scare it!
34. What is the best day to cook bacon?
Fry-day
35. Why is tennis such a loud sport?
Because the players make the right racket!
36. What happened to the daddy frog’s car when it broke down?
It got toad away!
37. What does Dr Who eat with their pizza?
Dalek bread!
38. What do you call a magic dog?
A labracadabrador!
39. What time do ducks wake up?
At the quack of dawn!
40. What kind of nut is always sneezing?
Cashew!
41. What is a frog’s favourite drink?
Croak-a-cola!
42. What fish only swims at night?
A starfish!
43. I used to run a dating service for chickens.
But I was struggling to make hens meet.
Funny Father’s Day Puns And Jokes For Dads
Ever wondered how the term “dad jokes” came about? Perhaps its because of how many a time when you ask a father a question, you’re bound to get a funny and clever answer. Here are some puns and jokes that dads are sure to love.
44. I had a difficult, emotional talk with my 9-year-old this morning.
There was a lot of crying and “nobody wants me on their team” and “I haven’t got any friends.”
Anyway, he was very nice and gave me some good tips on how to be more sociable.
45. I hate it when people say age is only a number. “Age” is clearly a word.
46. I know what I’m getting for Father’s Day. Last night my daughter asked me what size aftershave I wear.
47. Why, in a country of free speech, are there phone bills?
48. Did you know that the first French fries weren’t cooked in France?
They were cooked in Greece!
49. I asked my dad to help me with a math problem. He said: “Don’t worry; this is a piece of cake.” I said: “No, it’s a math problem.”
50. There’s a big difference between bad jokes and dad jokes. And that difference is the first letter.
51. Our wedding was so beautiful, even the cake was in tiers.
52. Being a great father is like shaving. No matter how good you shaved today, you have to do it again tomorrow.
53. I gave all my dead batteries away today…free of charge.
54. I asked my dad for his best dad joke and he said, “You.”
55. My daughter just asked me, “Daaaaaad, you haven’t listened to a word I’ve said, have you!?”
What an odd way to begin a conversation.
56. I’d like to be a millionaire just like my dad.
He always wanted to be a millionaire too.
57. I can’t take my dog to the pond anymore—the ducks keep attacking him. I guess that’s what I get for buying a pure-bread dog.
58. Knock knock
Who’s there?
Water
Water who?
Water you doing for Father’s Day?
59. I wouldn’t buy anything with velcro, it’s a total rip-off.
60. My Kids are buying me gifts for Father’s day,
Hope I can afford it.
61. Not to brag, but I made six figures last year. I was also named “worst employee” at the toy factory.
62. My son wants 50% of my Father’s Day gifts. He says if it weren’t for him, I wouldn’t even be a father.
63. It’s not a dad bod. It’s a father figure.
64. My wife and I have decided not to have kids. My Children are taking it pretty badly.
65. Today my son asked me, “Can I have a bookmark?”
It broke my heart. He still doesn’t know that my name is Kevin!
66. Dad: You’ll never amount to anything because you procrastinate.
Kid: Oh yeah? Just you wait!
67. Teacher: When is the boiling point reached?
Science student: When my father sees my report card!
68. My dad was bragging about his new hearing aid.
“It’s state of the art,” he said. “It cost me a fortune.”
“Awesome. What type is it?” I asked.
“2:30,” he said.
69. Neighbour: How old is your father?
Child: As old as me.
Neighbour: How is that possible?
Child: He became a father only when I was born.
70. I’m laying in bed reading a book when my dad walks in with a tape measure. About five feet away from me he stops and starts pushing the tape out to me. It gets closer and closer until it eventually smushes against my cheek. I ask him, “What are you doing?” He responds, “I’m measuring your patience.”
71. Son: For $20, I’ll be good.
Dad: Oh, yeah? When I was your age, I was good for nothing.
72. Son: Hey, Dad, what’s this movie about?
Dad: It’s about two hours.
73. Dad: Let me see your report card.
Son: I don’t have it.
Dad: Why not?
Son: My friend just borrowed it. He wants to scare his parents.
74. Teacher (on phone): You say Mike has a cold and can’t come to school today? To whom am I speaking?
Voice: This is my father.
75. Son: Dad, I’m hungry.
Dad: Hello, Hungry, I’m Dad.
Son: Dad, I’m serious.
Dad: I thought you were Hungry?
76. Son: Can I watch the TV?
Dad: Yes, but you can’t turn it on.
77. “While having their evening dinner together, a little girl looked up at her father and asked, “Daddy, you’re the boss in our family, right?” The father was very pleased to hear it and confidently replied, “Yes, my little princess.” The girl then continued, “That’s because mommy put you in charge, right?”
78. My dad used to carry around a frayed knot in his pocket just an old tied up piece of rope. Then any time someone asked him something and the answer was, “no”, he would just pull out the frayed knot and say, “‘fraid not!” and he would burst out laughing. Nobody else thought it was funny.
79. Son: Dad, can you put my shoes on?
Dad: I don’t think they’ll fit me.
80. Dear Dad, $chool i$ really great. I am making lot$ of friend$ and $tudying very hard. With all my $tuff, I $imply can’t think of anything I need, $o if you would like, you can ju$t $end me a card, a$ I would love to hear from you. Love, Your $on
Dear Son, I kNOw that studying ecoNOmics, and oceaNOgraphy are eNOugh to keep even an hoNOr student busy. Do NOt forget that the pursuit of kNOwledge is a NOble task, and you can never study eNOugh. Love, Dad
Need more jokes? Read 300 dad jokes at the link here and Mother’s Day jokes at the link here.
