Like cows or not, one has to admit that they’re entertaining animals. There are also plenty of funny cow puns to go around. We herded some of the funniest cow jokes we could find that we think will hit the bulls-eye when it comes to stirring up a laugh. Here are 100+ cow jokes to enjoy.
100+ Jokes About Cows That Are Family Friendly
1. What happens when you try talking to a cow?
Everything just goes in one ear and out the udder
2. What kind of shows do cows like best?
Moosicals
3. Why do cows have hooves instead of feet?
Because they lactose
4. Why did the two cows, not like each other?
They had beef
5. What’s a cow’s favourite drink?
Smooooooothie
6. What do you call a cow jumping on a trampoline?
A milkshake
7. How do dairy farmers do their taxes?
They go to an accow-ntant
8. Why did the cow cross the road?
To get to the udder side
9. What has the lone cow been up to lately?
Nobody’s herd
10. What did the mama cow say to the baby cow?
It’s pasture bedtime
11. What do you call a cow with no legs?
Ground beef
12. What type of milk do you get from a dwarf cow?
Condensed milk
13. What’s a cow’s favourite astral object?
The mooooooooooooooooon
14. What did one dairy cow say to the other?
Got milk?
15. What do you get when you cross a cow and a duck?
Milk and quackers
16. How do you know which cow is the best dancer?
See which one has the best moo-ves
17. What do you get if you cross a cow and rooster?
Roost beef
18. Where do cows eat lunch?
In the calfeteria
19. What does milking a cow smell like?
Dairy Air
20. How do cows meditate?
oooooooooM
21. What does the cow band play?
Moo-sic
22. Why do cows have bells?
Because their horns don’t work
23. What does the farmer talk about while milking a cow?
Udder nonsense
24. Where do cows get all their medicine?
The farmacy
25. What do evil cows say?
Moo ha ha
26. How do you count cows?
With a cowculator
27. What do you call a cow that just gave birth
De-caffeinated
28. What do cows read in the morning?
The moos-paper
29. What sound does a cow make when it runs out of milk?
None. There is udder silence.
30. What happened when the cows escaped from the paddock?
Udder Chaos
31. What do you call a cow that can’t make milk?
A milk dud
32. Why did the cow go on holiday?
Because it had a wee calf
33. What does a selfish cow say?
Meeeeee
34. What happens when a cow laughs?
Milk comes out of its nose
35. Why did the cow travel to the moon?
To checkout the Milky Way
36. Why was the cow arrested for jumping over the moon?
Because it broke the laws of physics
37. How’d the farmer find his lost cow?
He tractor down
38. What do you call a sad cow?
Moo-dy
39. A cowboy asked me if I could help round up 18 cows,
I replied ‘Of course, that’ll be 20 cows’
40. What do you get when you cross-breed a shark and a cow?
I have no idea, but I wouldn’t try milking it.
41. Why were the aliens watching the cows?
They were on a steak-out
42. What do you get when you cross a sheep and a cow?
An animal in a baaaaaaaaaaad mooooooooood
43. How did the farmer find the missing cow?
He tractor down
44. How did the cow get to the moon?
It went to udder space
45. What do you call a group of cows with a sense of humour?
Laughing stock
46. Where does the King of Cows live?
In the Cattle
47. How do you make a cow be quiet?
Press the moo-te button
48. How much Spanish did the cow know?
Muuuuucho
49. What’s an unusual way to make a milkshake?
Give a cold cow a pogo stick
50. What do you get when you cross a cow with an octopus?
A visit from the ethics committee and immediate withdrawal of your funding
51. How tall are baby cows?
About calf height
52. Why did the cow jump over the moon?
To get to the Milky Way
53. Where did the cow spend all its money?
At the cow-sino
54. How does a cow wash its mouth?
Using a moo-thwash
55. What do you call it when one cow spies on another cow?
A steak-out
56. How does the cow own the dance floor at barnyard parties?
He’s got the moos like Jagger
57. What do you call a rude cow?
Beef jerky
Funny Cow Jokes
58. Why won’t cows join the police force?
They refuse to participate in steak-outs
59. Why did the cow cross the road?
To get to the udder side
60. What is a cow’s favourite newspaper?
The Daily Moos
61. How do cows introduce their partners?
“Hey guys! Meat Patty.”
62. Why don’t cows have money?
Because the farmers keep draining them dry
63. Where do cows usually go on a Saturday night?
To the moovies
64. What do you call a scared cow?
A cow-ard
65. What would feed a bratty cow?
Spoiled milk
66. What is a cow’s favourite colour?
Marooooooon
67. What is a cow’s dream job?
Being an udder cover agent.
68. What do cows put on french toast?
Mooooolasses.
69. What did the cow say when the bull broke up with her?
Without you, I’ll never be whole milk again!
70. What did the cow say to its therapist?
“I feel seen, but not herd.”
71. Why did the farmer stop making cow jokes?
He kept butchering everyone.
72. What do you call a cow on a diet?
Lean beef.
73. What do you call a cow after an earthquake?
A milkshake.
74. What do you call a magic cow?
Moo-dini.
75. What do you call a sleeping cow?
A bull-dozer.
76. What did the cow say when the farmer pulled its tail?
How diary!
77. What is a cow’s favourite magazine?
Moogue.
78. How would you address the queen of cows?
Your Moojesty.
79. When one cow said “Mooo!” to the other, what was the second cow’s reply?
“I was going to say that!”.
80. Why do cows want to see Times Square?
Because it’s in Moo York City.
81. What do you call a cow that blends in with its surroundings?
Cow-moo-flauged.
82. Why did the farmer buy a brown cow?
He wanted chocolate milk!
83. Why does a milking stool only have three legs?
Because the cow has the udder.
84. When is milk the freshest?
When it’s still in the cow!
85. Who’s in charge of the dairy operations?
The cow-ptain.
86. What do you call a cruel cow?
A de-moooon.
87. Why do cows stay close together when it’s cold out?
To keep each udder warm!
88. Why did the artist love painting cows?
He said they were his moos.
89. What did the cows do after someone broke into the barn?
They beefed up their security.
90. Why do cows like to go to the spa?
To get some re-hoove-ination.
91. What did the mama cow say to the baby cow?
It’s pasture bedtime!
92. Where do Russian cows come from?
Mos-cow
93. When you cross a smurf with a cow, what do you get?
Blue cheese.
94. What did the cow say about the farmer’s bad outfit?
That outfit is so bad it’s laugha-bull.
95. What type of camera do cows use?
Cow-non.
96. Where do cows go on their days off?
To a moo-seum.
97. I tried raising cows, but they didn’t produce any milk.
Needless to say, my venture was an udder failure.
98. On a land full of grass, two cows were walking together.
Cow 1: Have you heard of the mad cow disease going around?
Cow 2: Yes, I’m so happy I’m a giraffe.
Knock Knock Jokes About Cows
Knock knock! Who’s there? Some funny jokes about cows. Read on to hear some funny and family friendly knock knock jokes about cows.
99. Knock knock.
Who’s there?
Cows go.
Cows go who?
No, silly, cows go moo!
100. Knock knock.
Who’s there?
Interrupting cow.
Interrupting cow wh-
MOO!
101. Knock knock.
Who’s there?
Cow.
Cow who?
Cow much longer will you put up with all this knocking?
102. Knock knock.
Who’s there?
Cow.
Cow who?
Cow-a-bunga, dude!
