Don’t stop clownfishing around! There’s always some time for some funny family-friendly fish jokes. Here are some of our favourite ones that are sure to have the laughter coming in waves!
88 Fish Jokes To Catch Some Laughs
1. What is the most envious fish?
The jelly-fish
2. Where do fish keep their money?
River banks.
3. Where do fish sleep?
In the riverbed
4. What part of a fish weighs the most?
The scales.
5. What do you call a fish with 10 eyes?
Fiiiiiiiiiish.
6. What kind of instrument helps you catch fish?
Castanets
7. You know how they create fishing lures?
By casting them
8. What kind of music do fish love to rave to?
Drum and bass.
9. What fish sounds the most like a harp?
A carp.
10. What kind of fish belongs in a circus?
A clownfish.
11. Where do you find a fish in orbit?
Trouter space.
12. Why did the fish blush?
Because it saw the ocean’s bottom.
13. How do you catch a fish with a computer?
Use click bait.
14. What did the fish say to his friend who was acting extremely shy?
Stop being so koi.
15. What’s the difference between a piano and a fish?
You can tune a piano, but you can’t tuna fish.
16. What do you call a fake koi fish?
A de koi
17. What is Jaws favourite meal?
Fish n Ships.
18. What do you call a religious fish poem?
A Psalmon.
19. How do you call a fish that has trouble walking?
Limpin Karp
20. Why do fish swim in schools?
Because they can’t walk.
21. Why should you never invite a DJ to a fishing trip?
They always drop the bass
22. What do you call two barracuda fish?
A pairacuda.
23. What kind of fish likes to try new food?
Betta tester.
24. Give a man a fish, he eats for a day. What happens if you teach a man to duck?
He avoids walking into a bar.
25. What did the pirate fish make the prisoner fish do?
Walk the plankton.
26. Why don’t fish like playing basket ball?
They are terrified of nets.
27. Why did the dog jump from the boat into the ocean?
He thought he saw a catfish
28. What do you call a fish that can dunk?
swooshi.
29. What did the fish say when it swam into the dam?
Minnows.
30. What kind of music do fish listen to?
Something catchy.
31. Which country do fish like to go to for a vacation?
Finland
32. Who is the fish’s valentine?
His Gil-Friend!
33. Why did the fish get bad grades?
Because it was below sea level.
34. What kind of fish eats mice?
A catfish
35. What do whales have for dinner?
They eat fish and ships.
36. What did the fish say to the fisherman?
“No one will ever believe you.”
37. What kind of fish only comes out at night?
A starfish.
38. What do you call a fish with no “eye”?
fsh
39. What did a shark eat with its peanut butter sandwich?
A jellyfish.
40. What do u call a fish with a bow tie?
So-fish-ticated
41. How do you spot a cinderella fish?
They have glass flippers
42. Where do fish go to borrow money?
A loan-shark.
43. What do you call a fish that provides woodland services, primarily pruning and treatments to preserve old or damaged trees.
A tree sturgeon
44What do you call a fish with lots of money?
A goldfish.
45. What did the fish say when he saw an old friend that he hadn’t seen in ages?
Long time no sea.
46. How do shellfish get to the hospital?
In a clambulance.
47. What do fish take to stay healthy?
Vitamin Sea.
48. What do you call a fish that’s switched on
A sam-ON
49. What day of the week do all fish dislike the most?
Fryday.
50. Who’s the wealthiest fish in the sea?
Gill Gates, the flounder of Mackerelsoft
51. Why are dolphins smarter than humans?
In the space of 2 hours, they can train a person to stand at the side of a pool and feed them fish.
52. What do you call a fish with no legs?
A fish.
53. Where do goldfish love to travel?
Usually just around the globe.
54. What did one fish say to the other?
Keep your mouth shut and you’ll never get caught!
55. How did the oyster manage to hide from the fish?
Clamouflage!
Knock Knock Fish Jokes
What would you do if a fish came knocking at your door? We’re not too sure either, but maybe if you open it, you’d hear some fun knock-knock fish jokes.
56. Knock, knock.
Who’s there?
Fish.
Fish who?
Fish you a Merry Christmas, we fish you a Merry Christmas!
57. Knock, knock.
Who’s there?
Fish.
Fish who?
Bless you!
58 Knock, knock.
Who’s there?
Fish.
Fish who?
Fish-ious temper you have there, you need to calm down!
59 Knock, knock.
Who’s there?
Artie Fish.
Artie Fish who?
Artie Fish-el Intelligence.
Hilarious Fish Jokes To Laugh At
Get set to have some laughter bubbling over as you read these fun fish jokes.
60. I took my laptop on the fishing boat one day when it fell in. It was Adele, rolling in the deep.
61. My friend thinks he’s a fish but he’s wrong. He’s living in the Nile.
62. A fish has been arrested and is standing in front of the jury in court.
The judge says to the jury “how do find the fish defendant”
A member of the jury stands up and says “we find the fish to be gill-ty”
63. Grandad and his grandson are searching in the garden for fishing worms to use as bait. They are coming across many different insects but nothing suitable to use for bait until his grandson proudly holds up a long dangling insect. The boy exclaims “I found some bait, grandad”. Grandad responds “sorry, kiddo, we can’t use that. It is not an earthworm.”
The grandson replies “well, what planet does it come from, Grandad?”
64. Yesterday I had a cup of coffee with a penguin. He said he would have preferred a fish.
65. Have you thought of a fish pun yet or do you need some more time to mullet over?
66. I used to look for shellfish at my local beach every day until one day when I pulled a mussel.
67. It is a known fact that the swordfish is the best-dressed animal in the ocean.
He always dresses sharp
68. I watched a movie about fishing. It had a great cast in it.
69. What was the fish who was a huge Rick Astley fan singing?
Never gonna give you up! Never gonna let you drown! Never gonna swim around and splash you!
70. Did you hear about the guy on trial for murder trying to get off with an insanity plea by pretending he’s a fish? He was trying to be coy
71. I kept asking the aquarium owner about the walking fish. He said ‘you axolotl questions!’
72. I’ve been breeding non-aggressive Siamese fighting fish. I call them beta bettas.
73. A little fish walks into a bar. The bartender asks the fish “What can I get you?” The little fish replies (gasping) “Water! I need water!”
74. My therapist told me to put a fish tank in my living room to ease stress and anxiety.
He said it would help because of their indoor fins.
75. A fish walks into a bar. It took him 395 million years.
76. Did you hear about the brawl at the fish and chip shop? Many fish were apparently battered!
77. Someone threw a bottle of omega 3 pills at me. Luckily, I only sustained super fish oil injuries
78. A man walks into a bakery with a salmon under his arm and says “do you have fish cakes?” The chap behind the counter replies, “No”.
“That’s a pity, it’s his birthday”.
79. There are plenty of fish in the sea. Plenty of whales too.
80. I’ve never had Fish Fingers. I didn’t know fish had hands.
81. I phoned the wife earlier and asked if she wanted me to pick up Fish and Chips on the way home, but she just grunted at me. I think she still regrets letting me name the twins.
82. Give a man a fish and he will have a meal. Teach a man how to fish and he will spend thousands of dollars on fishing equipment.
83. Two fish are in a tank. One turns to the other and says
“Do you know how to drive this thing?”
84. My pet fish is a gamer. His favorite game is cod
85. Two men go fishing, One has a stutter. The man with a stutter says “shh ssshhh sshh”. The other man says “what is it, did you catch a fish”? The stuttering man says “ssshhh ship!!” Before the second man can react, a ship crashes into their boat.
Thankfully they recovered a few months later and go on another fishing trip. The stuttering man again starts saying “ssshhh”. The second man starts panicking thinking he’s going to get hurt again. The second man jumps out of the boat as fast as he can, the stuttering man says “sshhh sshhh Shark!!”
86. Last night I made fish tacos. They looked at them and just swam away.
87. I bought the love of my life some fish from Washington, but she dumped me immediately afterwards. Oh well, there’s plenty more fish in DC.
88. A guy was on his boat fishing in a pond and caught way over the bag limit. He was heading back to the dock when the game warden stopped him and asked to check what he caught. The warden opens the fishermen’s cooler and sees that the guy has surpassed his limit by about 20 fish. The warden tells the man he has too many fish and he is going to cite the fishermen. The fishermen says “No, you see these are my pet fish. I didn’t catch them I called them to me”. The warden doesn’t believe the guy, and so the fishermen tells the warden he will show him. The guy dumps the cooler of fish in the water. The warden waits a minute and says to the guy “ok now call the fish back”.
The man looked at the warden and said: “What fish?”
